Mad Darby Diaries

 I hate talking about my personal life, especially to comparative strangers.  A group of us were having lunch yesterday when one of us suddenly demanded that the 2 women present tell him everything about ourselves.  Why are you on your own?  Were you married?  Why aren't you married now?  It continued in this vain while we ignored him.  This appeared to annoy him as he turned to me and demanded to know what I knew about him.  'I know you are Dutch and that you have a granddaughter,' I replied.  He had just shown us a photo of her.    'What don't you know about my personal life?' he asked.  I sighed, 'I don't need to know anything about you and frankly I am not interested in knowing more about your personal life, unless you have lived somewhere interesting or had an interesting job.  Your opinion  on world affairs would make conversation, or a good  book you have read or almost anything apart from your marital sta...

The long, hot summer continues with major rivers looking more like dust bowls and wild fires devastating forests, homes and wildlife.  On top of that the Antarctic is melting, and yet little is being done to tackle climate change when you look at the major powers.  Ok Biden passing his latest efforts will help but when looked at through the lens of the wider picture, it is very little and far too late. Someone who is definitely feeling the heat is Trump but in his usual fashion he lies, exaggerates and raises a fortune in contributions from all the suckers who listen to his tosh. Nothing much in the political  world can shock me these days but I was close to it when I read an article on the BBC website that said anyone in the world can become a member of the conservative party, even if they are not British, are not eligible to vote in UK elections and have never lived in Britain.  Yet here we are having the next British Prime Minister being chosen by people totally u...

 When you have family staying the time passes in a flash but it is so enjoyable while it  lasts.  This year the heat has meant that most things have had  to be done early doors in order to avoid the afternoon heat.  I don't mind how hot it is but I struggle with scorching sun shining down on me; I am definitely a shade person.  Now my family have left I had time to meet up with friends in a café this morning.  The temperature was better, helped by a gentle breeze, and I could have stayed there all day chatting away in French to my friend on the right and in English to Ann  on my left.  The group is a moveable feast, different nationalities turn up and stay as long as they like and it makes  for a relaxing way of passing the time.  Ann said she was concerned that she wasn't using her brain enough so I asked my French friend what she did all day.  Apparently she spends the morning preparing and cooking a three course lunch for he...

 The air conditioning has broken in my car so it was some relief when the temperature dropped  back to the 30 degree mark.  This gave my neighbours fresh enthusiasm to clear up overgrown vegetation.  At my request my American neighbour climbed down to a flat bit of ground where a tree had grown about 6 feet in as many weeks, to lop it.  My job was to clear all the debris when it fell and drag it to a parking space in the courtyard.  The system was working well with another neighbour and her granddaughter joining in to help me clear the debris.  Meanwhile. up above us the American was in full swing, not stopping at 'lopping' the tree but cutting it right back to its roots.  Soon great big branches were hurtling down and that is when it happened.  One branch, instead of coming straight down to the ground decided to take a detour onto his garage roof, creating a big hole right above where his precious car, a Tesla, was being kept safe and sound....

 Last Monday my son and daughter in law were due to catch the 8.15am ferry from Portsmouth to Caen.  It was 6.45am when I stepped out of the shower and heard my phone  going.  I snatched it up.  It was a video  call.  'Mum, we have big problems here,'  and before I could speak he thrust the phone into the hands of a Brittany ferries' staff member and said, 'Talk  to my mum.'  Barely conscious of my wet, tangled hair and trying to cover myself up with a  towel which thought gravity was fun, I asked what the problem was.  Apparently they had the wrong vaccination certificates and were being refused passage.  I asked what I could do and she said they could go and get a test and take a later ferry.  'Where is the nearest test centre in Portsmouth?'  I asked.  'There isn't one,' she replied, 'there  is one in Southampton, or Havant.'  What!  No test centre in Portsmouth?  They both have learni...

 I don't do hairdressers' because they  are expensive, they never do what I  want and I hate having my hair washed by someone else.  I have never  coloured it, thank goodness, so I can get away with not having inane conversations with someone I don't know but who questions me on my personal life and expects me to share all my secrets with him  or her.  I usually visit a hairdresser,who is willing to give me a dry cut, once a year, twice at the most, and in between I hack at it myself.  This causes the hairdresser much distress as she tries to remedy my pathetic attempts.  A few years ago my daughter in law, seeing me chopping with a pair of nail scissors, insisted on giving me a 'proper' pair.  As several months have passed since my last visit, this morning I decided that the time had come to pick up the scissors and have a go.  I just wanted to cut about 2 inches or so off the bottom.  I can't seem to tackle wet hair so I drie...

I had to go next door to inspect the wall that our building shares.  While there the owner, Jean Michel, asked if I like rhubarb and did I know when to pick it.  It was green, rather than the usual reddish colour, but large and when I lightly tugged it, it came away from its stalk. 'Ah,' he said, 'it must be ready' and before I could protest I found myself with an enormous pile of rhubarb in my arms, enough to feed the whole of Saumur.  'My wife doesn't know how to cook it,' he said, so I felt obliged to offer to make them a rhubarb crumble, although I had enough rhubarb to bake fifty. The next day I went to a picnic and one of my friends was telling a group of people that I was famous for killing  plants and warning them against giving me any.  Clearly they were all keen gardeners and gave me the same look that animal lovers cast upon me when I confess to having no pets. So back to the rhubarb.  I made the crumble and carried it to my neighbours' house....