Mad Darby Diaries

 It is summer and tennis has moved outdoors onto an impossible hard  court but one the players prefer over the clay courts, or terre battue as the French call them.  The other week I fell over on the hard court, which should be renamed corps battue, because one ends up with a battered body.  I digress, however.  On Monday I went to play doubles.  Each of the players turned up in miniscule skirts and barely covering the obvious, tee shirts.  They laughed at my usual long tennis pants and a shirt that covered my elbows.  'It is so hot', they said.  Yes it was hot but my tennis gear is protection for when I fall over again on a court which is made of a substance that sticks your feet to it, inviting the rest of the body to join it on the ground.  Yesterday I fell over again.  So I am not so stupid after all. The world  is in a mess, not least in the States where the Supreme Court is putting the country back 200 years as far as gun...

 I am sure we all have our pet stupid rules and the one I came across this week is not only stupid but also expensive.  This is one that has been in existence for many years but didn't affect the Brits until Brexit.  Every time someone comes  to stay with me, even family,  I have to go to the Mairie with 13 pieces of  paper, including proof that I own my apartment, proof that I actually live there, copies of my visitors' passports, their dates of birth and addresses, dates of their visit and 30€ for each set of visitors.  I had to tell them the square metres of my apartment so that they could ascertain whether it was large enough to accommodate visitors or not.  They seemed to have forgotten to ask for my blood type.  Then on arrival at the Mairie I have to  complete a two page form, which is then submitted  to  the Maire who signs and stamps it.  I am still  waiting for it.  Then I have to post it to my sons for...

 Brexit has resulted in many strange things happening but do we really want to go back to imperial measures?  I doubt there is a child in the UK who knows what pounds and ounces are. I can barely remember them and when I come across an old recipe I hear myself muttering '16 ounces one pound, 14 pounds one ?' and there I am lost.  Was it 14 pounds one stone and what is a stone exactly?  Next they will bring back pounds, shillings and pence.  Please give us a break. Where can we send all these leaders who lie, cheat, commit crimes and yet manage to keep their power?  Johnson wants to draw a line under his misdemeanours and move on.  Why should he?  The public  don't want to move on, they want him to move on and out.  Not that I want anyone from the present cabinet to take over, or those sitting across the aisle.  I think I have finally worked out why Starmer sounds so ineffective when he speaks.  He puts the wrong emphasis on the...

 Yesterday we played doubles tennis outside on the hard court.  We had been  playing for about 90 minutes when, running backwards, I managed to tangle up my feet and went crashing down, on my right side just as I did 3 years ago.  I cut and bruised exactly the same bits, hand, elbow and the hip, as well  as spraining my wrist.  Sitting on  the ground waiting for the pain to subside, Yvette asked me if I wanted to stop.  The other two said, 'no she's alright, she hasn't broken anything.'  So I got up and carried on playing.  During the night I couldn't turn over but it is true I haven't broken anything so I must be ok. On Tuesday I went to have lunch in the cutest restaurant you can imagine.  It only seats 12 people and the owner is the waiter, the chef and everything else.  The food was delicious, the wine good and the decorations in the restaurant unique.  He went about welcoming customers,  producing food and ensuri...

When I lived in my last house my neighbour, Marie Jo, used to sing while sweeping her steps, which she did most days.  She had a beautiful voice, soft and melodic and she was an early riser so often I would be woken up at dawn by her singing.  Don't ask me why she felt the need to sweep her steps at dawn but if it made her happy that is all that counts.  Now I live in an apartment where all my neighbours' windows are open all day and night.  I don't hear much noise from within  the apartments, only conversations that go on across the courtyard between the neighbours, all friendly.   Outside my apartment I hear the constant singing of birds.  They gather in the bushes and walls where the cats can't get to them.  I never get tired of hearing birds singing.   Next week I will play golf, the second time this year and clearly not often enough to avoid humiliation. Our international group that meets on a Saturday can cause confusion, lang...

 I know from living in a small village in France that all sorts of shady deals take place without the authorities ever knowing or likely to know.  The black market thrives, the economy suffers but people do their deals and celebrate having 'got one over' on the powers that be.  Since I moved to Saumur, a town, I sailed seamlessly through my MOT thanks to a friend knowing the owner.  Not that anything illegal was done but I didn't have to wait for an appointment and the process was carried out quickly and efficiently.  A few days ago I was telling my neighbour that it was impossible to find a dentist.  The next day she slid a card into my hand and said take this to the dentist, ask for Francoise and say Philippe sent you.  That afternoon I walked round to the address on the card, spotted the lady sporting the name badge with Francoise on it and slid the card across the counter.  I said who I was, that I would like an appointment for a check up and ...

 The other day my neighbour banged on my door and asked to borrow something.  I didn't understand what she meant, so she said blanc en neige.  White on snow.  I shook my head, so she hurried back to her apartment and re-appeared with a bowl containing egg whites.  Ah she wanted a hand mixer to beat the eggs whites but blanc en neige?  Then it clicked, whites to snow.  This conjures up  something so much nicer than ' beat the egg whites until they form soft peaks.' I was trying to phone a dentist but the recorded message said they  would be closed until the 9 May so today I tried again.  Same message except 'en plus' had been added.  Does that mean it could be closed after the 9 May? I wondered.  'Mm', my neighbour said, 'it could mean anything.'  Well if the  French  don't understand it how am I supposed to figure it out? The 9th May is Putin's excuse to show the world that he is important.  Why did every ne...