Mad Darby Diaries

It was so cold this morning that the car doors had completely iced up and wouldn't open but I am an optimist so I am going to point out that the days are getting longer now and spring will soon be here.  Well I did say I was an optimist.  We are nearly into 2021 and there is some hope for the Brits getting vaccinated en masse while the 27 EU countries still talk about it.  There are 5 groups in France and the last time I looked I was in group 5 so I have some time to go before it is my turn.  A few days ago I was briefly in group 3 but despite my advanced age I am not old enough  apparently, hence my demotion.  I haven't wished I was a year or 2 older since I was 12.  It is not that I particularly want a vaccination but I do want to travel again and feel that a vaccination will be the only solution.  Will the French succeed?  Well the flu vaccine never did arrive here  so I am not optimistic. I used to talk to myself a lot, now I don't b...

So it is Christmas day and for the first time in my life I am completely alone, like millions of others I daresay, as this is an extraordinary year.  At least I have family, even though they cannot be physically here, and we will zoom and skype etc but there are many others who have no-one at all and under those circumstances why don't they put something interesting on the television?  Something funny we can laugh at, not sentimental Christmas films that either make you cry or turn the damn thing off.  Monsieur Toutee has the right idea, he is out there fixing his tractor.  If I had a tractor I would be too, although it is icy cold outside.  I had my second cataract operation this week.  Has anyone tried to put cream in the eye without sticking it on your eyelashes?  And as for the eye bath I have become adept at washing eyes, nose, ears not to mention the amount that runs down the neck.  I assume they give you more of these things than you need t...

 For the last three years the week before Christmas has proved challenging because something always goes wrong.  Last year 2 of my tyres burst on the way to collect my son from the airport in Nantes, this year my car broke down in Thouars and previously my family arrived at three different airports after diversions and I drove for 14 hours picking them all  up, including Paris.  Still a bit of excitement is welcome in this groundhog day world that we are living in.   On Monday I will have my second cataract operation, which hopefully will go as well as the first, and then it is Christmas, or at least in the rest of the world there is an attempt of it.  In my house there is no Christmas.  I shall be spending it on my own and contacting my family via skype.  I am philosophical about this and it bothers me less than I thought it would.   What has happened to the post?  I don't know if it is the UK or France, or both, that is causi...

I am running out of patience with the health insurance company, and in fact I hate all insurance companies.  They take your money year in, year out but when you need them to pay out they will think of every excuse in the book not to do so.  As soon as I resolve this current problem I shall change insurance companies, not that the next one will be any better but because it is the only power I have over them. Now I have that off my chest, I will count to 20 before I go to the States and throw Trump out of the White House myself, along with Mitch McConnell  and Lindsay Graham who are so desperate for power that they will lie and cheat along with their narcissistic leader. Yesterday I went for my check up following the first cataract operation.  My appointment was 10.00am and the waiting room was packed.  I was eventually seen at 12.30pm when about a gallon of drops were put in my eye.   I signed forms I couldn't see and paid an undisclosed amount of money...

 The plasterer came yesterday. and the day before, to fill in the last of the holes and paint the ceiling, which had fallen down after a water leak.  He talked to himself, all the time, non stop.  He was fairly old and had been sent by the insurance company.  He gave me 4 pieces of paper to fill in, one of which was an evaluation of the work, so I put it to one side.  Another was a form declaring that I didn't have any symptoms of covid 19 and that I was taking all precautions to  protect the worker.  As I looked at him standing too close to me and and with his mask hanging down on his chin I had the impression that it was I who needed protecting.  On day two I had to complete the evaluation form.  He had left a terrible mess, including a filthy floor on day  one, he had slept in his van and smelled like it, he knocked the smoke alarm off the wall and broke it, so I had to go out and buy a  new one today and he blocked my kitchen si...

 Now my eyesight is getting better, not for reading though, I can look in the mirror and see just how old I look and how grey my hair is.  I can't complain about the latter, I was well into my 60s before I even had a grey hair and I have retained my brown head of hair all this time.  Until now.  The truth is out, I definitely look my age.  Of course the truth is out only to me, everyone else has obviously known this for some time. Vaccines are coming, to the UK anyway, but not the flu vaccine in France, which seems to be in very short supply.  I have never had the flu vaccine but was going to this year because of the covid 19 but no pharmacy has any so my good intentions are for nothing.  In this solitary life I am leading during the pandemic there is little chance of me catching flu anyway. Brexit is fast approaching.  Will there be a deal?  Will Trump leave the White House?  Will Boris Johnson learn how to make a decision?  Will m...

 I have always had trouble telling blues from greens, orange, reds and yellow much to the scorn of my grandson who knows his colours better than I do.  When my sons were teenagers I would appear dressed ready for work and wait for them to tell me whether I could be seen in public.  If they ignored me I knew that I passed muster but if they collectively shook their heads and muttered 'no I don't think so', I knew I had my colour co-ordination wrong.  When they all left home I resorted to wearing one colour or black and one other colour.  This way I rarely went wrong although I am told that dark blue doesn't go with black.  As I can't tell much difference between black and dark blue it is a moot point. This week I went to have a cataract operation on my right eye.  Two days later I can see that what I thought was dirty brown paintwork on the house opposite is actually blue, and I can see it is blue.  I can't wait to have the other eye done now....

 Yesterday I had to go for a covid test before my operation on Wednesday.  The appointment was 8.00am so I left home in the dark.  Because of the pandemic I don't get out much so I haven't got used to dark mornings, freezing temperatures and fog, not a pleasant experience when driving on country roads with lots of bends and no lines on them.  Why are there no lines on the roads?  The test is not for the faint hearted.  It feels as though they are sticking a needle in your brain and they do it in both nostrils. I went from there for a 2 hour drive to the Prefecture to have my finger prints taken again, to give them yet another photo and to show them my passport, again.  They probably have a special rogues' gallery full of Brits trying to get their resident's permit.  By the time I arrived I was desperate for the toilet but with all the cafes closed and no public toilets around I felt obliged to ask my interviewer if I could use their toilet.  ...

 I went to see the anaesthetist last week.  The first thing he said was 'if you don't speak French then there is no point in continuing.'  All I had said was bonjour.  He then turned his back on me, tapped on his keyboard and muttered something into his mask.  I said that I couldn't understand what he was saying so he swung round and said 'there is no point in continuing if you don't speak French'.   'I do speak French, I just can't understand what you are saying with a mask on and your back to me.'  'oh I see,' he said, and it is difficult to tell behind a mask but I think he may have smiled.  Anyway by the time I left he was positively jovial. Was he wrong?  Yes, in that he made the assumption that I didn't  speak French based on my name probably, but no, he was not wrong to say that he couldn't carry on with the appointment if the patient can't speak French.  In the UK they would have run around looking for an interpreter o...

I need to register my new S1 (essential for health care in France) but the office is appointment only.  The list of options for making an appointment doesn't cover my problem, phone lines are permanently busy, even though it says you can phone to make an appointment.  I wrote two messages on the website but haven't had a reply. On the other hand I have won my battle with the plasterer who tried to insist that the hole in the wall in the kitchen was due to excess damp, even though I saw his worker cut the hole and the plaster was perfectly dry.  He has also agreed to paint the entire wall as well.  Young men really should stop trying to push old ladies around. The winner in the US is Biden even though Trump insists that he is, based on spurious reports of fraud and conspiracy theories.  The loser, thank goodness, is Trump, although he is not going quietly.  He has sent lawyers out all over the country trying to prove, without any evidence, that the election ...

Last night I slept like a baby.  For the past week the US election has had me watching way into the night, fearful that Trump could still pull another  4 years out of the bag.  It isn't over of course, because he will refuse to co-operate with Bidon's transition team, refuse to leave and refuse to do anything constructive.  The best headline was 'Your fired' even though it was spelt incorrectly.  It is a pity he gets to sit in the White House until 20 January, although it is so infected with coronavirus that Biden's team would be better steering clear of the place until it can be totally fumigated. This morning I went to the dentist for a check up.  He looked at my teeth without actually touching them, declared them to be in good shape, told me to come back in a year and charged me 65€.  Then I went to the pharmacy to get the stuff I need for my cataract operation.  It took 2 hours for the assistant to go through the paperwork, photocopy each shee...

 We are in lockdown and on Thursday the UK will probably follow, but there is a difference.  Any shops selling non-essential items had to close here but in true French fashion they rebelled.  Why could supermarkets continue to sell all the things that the small shops normally sell?  Outrage!  Small shops have rights too! So also in true French fashion, the government decided that supermarkets cannot sell non-essential items either.  That's fair.  Except every time we leave the house we must carry a signed form and it has to be a fresh form every time.  This means that one either photocopies the form or writes out its contents laboriously by hand.  There is the possibility of having it on your phone but, of course, this only works if there is service, which there isn't here. Here is the problem.  I have run out of photocopy paper, my phone doesn't work in this area and I can't go and buy any paper, anywhere, because it is deemed to be a n...

 I am not a fan of our mayor and even less so since his most recent missive in which he implores everyone to keep their dogs under control so as not to cause accidents on the roads or frighten old ladies.  I have several problems with this.  First, his own dog is the biggest culprit, seen most days criss-crossing the road outside my house, forcing vehicles to halt or even worse, swerve.  Put your  own house in order Monsieur le Maire.   Secondly, why is it always 'old ladies' who may be frightened?  Don't men, young women or  could be 'people' get frightened?  Thirdly I would like to vote him out of office but, oh yes, because of Brexit I have had my vote taken away. In fact I have been disenfranchised everywhere.  I am not allowed to vote in the UK anymore, I have never been able to vote in the French national elections and now even my right to vote in the local elections has been taken away.  So the phrase, 'don't complain if...

Well I am having fun playing tennis, now my body has got used to playing again but I daresay it won't last as I see another lockdown on the horizon.  As I tackle 'experts' who are really just insurance assessors, holes in the walls and challenging problems that my poor son encounters in the UK, I find I have less time to follow the US election.  I do know that the Americans have made their election system so complicated, and in my view undemocratic, that they should devise a fairer one before the next President is voted in.  There is no uniform system across the country, each state having their own rules and even their own closing date for counting votes.  Then when all the votes are counted it doesn't matter one jot who the American people have chosen because the Electoral College takes over and decides who will win.  They constantly boast about being the greatest democracy in the world but really they haven't a clue. It is going to be a long winter for most of...

 My granddaughter sent a message round the family WhatsApp  challenging us to tell a story from the pictures, Emojis.  Needless to say I didn't even know what they represented but the others rose to the challenge and came up with a story that I didn't understand either.  Am I losing the plot?  Or are we losing the English language?  The word 'nuance' is now heard every other sentence when watching the news, politicians or anyone who thinks they know what they are talking about.  Rarely is it used in the right context.  Shops are now shuttered, whether they have shutters or not, because the word 'shutter' has replaced the verb 'to close' and don't get me started on 'uptick' rather than an increase.  It is not just the English language either which is being destroyed, the French tennis WhatsApp group contains so much slang, emojis etc that most of the time I haven't the faintest idea what they are talking about.  I am trying to write messa...

 I am in the middle of a nightmare as far as my house is concerned but the insurance is sending an 'expert'.  'An expert of what?' I asked but they didn't seem to understand the question.  Just an expert.  The visit will last 45 minutes and he or she will arrive at 3.53 in a week's time.  That is a very precise time.  I wonder if he or she will sit outside for a minute if arrival occurs at 3.52.  Anyway the expert will either have a simple solution to the problem or half my house will have to be torn down. To get away from all that I decided to go and play tennis, which I haven't done since January.  I was impressed at how I was hitting the ball, chasing down every shot and zipping around the court like a teenager.  I lost but not by much.  Today I can barely get up the stairs my legs are so stiff.  There are consequences to trying  to shave  50 years off your age. I had to answer questions before my cataract operation....

 If talking to oneself is the first sign of madness then I am truly past help.  I talk to myself all the time, I argue with the television, but best of all I can watch the tennis and scream, cheer, jump up and down, do whatever I like.  The first time I met my future in-laws was in 1966, the day of the World Cup.  I was invited to their house to watch the match as I didn't have a television in my bedsit.  I am not a huge football fan, although I had always shown a tepid loyalty towards Pompey, even though they were a pretty dismal team, but my future husband (I didn't know he was then of course) was a very keen Arsenal supporter so I felt obliged to show enthusiasm. All was well.  I met my in-laws, behaved myself, offered to wash dishes and generally gave the good impression I was aiming for.  We sat and watched the match, which seemed to go on for ever, and then there it was - a draw and finally penalties.  After 90 minutes or so it was suddenly ...

 If you leave dozens of messages on plumbers answer machines I suppose it is inevitable that eventually one would respond.  After a week with the water turned off 4 plumbers called in one day and one actually said he could come the next day.  I accepted, even though he was probably more expensive, and after two days of fishing around in my pipes, the leaks have stopped.  Hurray I can leave the house at last, instead of sitting by the phone in case it rings.  My sister said that I am now the master of quarantine, having been confined to the house yet again. I don't watch daytime television, in fact I don't watch television much at all but I do like films and sport.  This week was the French Open Tennis and I needed something to occupy myself while I sat by the silent phone.  If I didn't feel depressed about getting old already I certainly would if I looked at all the adverts playing during the day.  Cremation services, life insurance with cheerful ...

 They say that a week is a long time in politics but I know that a week with too much or no water is exhausting.  I have contacted 12 plumbers.  Not one answered their phones and not one has responded to my messages.  I had to turn the water off 5 days ago and just put it on long enough to fill jugs, wash and flush the toilet.  People give me telephone numbers of plumbers but no-one responds.  I still have four dirty great holes in the walls and ceiling because the plaster boarding can't be done until the leaks are fixed.  The UK has no functioning GPs, France has no plumbers. I didn't think Trump could get any worse but the most bizarre sight was seeing a highly contagious President driving along outside the hospital waving to his adoring fans, except even they looked a bit non-plussed.  I believe he has now joined the club of the crazy dictators.  Where are the men in the long, white coats coming to take him away, ha ha, to the funny farm?...

 After two days on the telephone to the insurance company they have told me that they cannot find a plumber.  Yesterday friends came, to give me their opinion and moral support.  Just before they left, one shouted out that he had found a big leak coming directly from the mains.  Today I started phoning the insurance company at 7.30am and in the meantime I have had to shut off the water completely.  Their last call said they couldn't find a plumber, I would have to find one myself.  Do they think I haven't tried?  If I was younger I would definitely train as a plumber. So now I have a leak with water coming through the  ceiling, which fell down, and another leak pouring into the downstairs bathroom.  I have shut off all the water and it looks as though I have days and days with this situation continuing.  So much for MAAF boasting that they can get you an emergency plumber in one hour. President Trump has refused to follow the science, so...

One of the pieces of plasterboard next to the kitchen was a bit rotten so I asked a plasterer to come and replace it.   2 hours later he left me with a door leaning against the bookcase, 2 great big holes in the wall and another hole in the kitchen wall, which he had no business touching.  Meanwhile the hole in the ceiling above the front door still stares at me every morning and I now know there is a leak somewhere.  I am trying to discover where before the plumber comes and starts ripping up things unnecessarily.  On Thursday I have made an appointment to see the insurer but I am not hopeful as Insurance companies are notoriously reluctant to pay out - ever, but I shall try to explain why I have 2 separate problems, both involving holes, in French. As I was surveying the damage left by the workman the  doorbell rang.  A man stood there holding out his card and explaining that he was an estate agent and would like to sell my house.  I would like ...

 I hate wearing masks as I am sure everybody else, but the rules are rules and the science backs it up so I do as I am told, rare for me.   I don't know how many people I have seen wearing a mask, either round the chin or covering the mouth and not the nose.  What good is that?  Even in the hospital the other day one of the patients was wearing a mask over his mouth only and none of the staff told him to wear it properly. I, like many others, have a problem with steaming up glasses, so much so that when I went to see about my cataracts I quite expected the ophthalmologist to  say I don't have them at all, just too much steam. My sister, who is deaf, has a special gizmo under her pillow which flashes if the smoke alarm goes off.  The other night it was flashing non-stop, even though there was no fire in her apartment.  In desperation she called the fire department and asked them what she could do to turn it off.  Within minutes a fire engine a...

 Yesterday I went to the Ophthalmologist to see about my cataracts.  In the UK you can't even see a GP.  In France I saw 4 people, went in 4 different rooms, each with different pieces of equipment and had at least 4 lots of drops put in my eyes.  They love their drops.  At one point I was given drops, told to sit in the corridor and then as someone was passing she whipped a bottle of drops out of her pocket, told me to look at the ceiling and put a few more in.  Some of them actually went in my eyes. After 2 hours of constant attention the Ophthalmologist declared that I needed to have my cataracts done.  With no messing about, forms were produced, dates agreed, a letter sent to my GP and payment made.  Yes in France we have to pay.  Right at the last minute, with me as blind as a bat because of all the drops in my eyes, a form was placed in front of me and I was told to complete it.  You have to be kidding!  I asked someone to dir...

 After 6 months of talking to myself I decided to go to the UK for a month.  I booked my ferry and a few days later the Prime Minister imposed quarantine so for the first two weeks I had to stay inside my son's house.  I am not a sedentary person so on day 2 I left the house at 5.30am, just before sunrise and walked briskly to the seafront.  Nobody would be checking up on me at dawn surely, but I was surprised to see that quite a few people go out at 5.30am and I am  assuming they were not all escaping quarantine.  During my two weeks imprisonment I vacuumed, lots, cut down rogue trees, removed blackberry bushes, sorted out their files, getting rid of several years of stuff and .... When I was finally free I managed to see other members of my family, including my 4 year old grandson.  I was explaining  to him why I couldn't visit before when he said, 'I am going to tell the government to stop quarantine, then I am going  to throw them all in ...

I spend 6 months on my own and finally decide to book a ferry to the UK to see my family and what does Johnson do?  Imposes quarantine to take affect 3 days before I leave.  So now I am going to be imprisoned in my son's house for 2 weeks and won't be able to even go out for walk.  Me without exercise is the greatest punishment so I will have to invent some.  Will my aversion to housework have to be overcome?  Shall I run round and round the lavender bush until I am dizzy or just simply climb up and down the walls.  Whatsmore the spare bedroom, which is soon to be my cell, has a 2ft 6in bed, which is uncomfortable and has a mattress that my daughter in law slept on as a child.  It is her childhood bed.  I spent 2 years sleeping on my son's 2 seater settee, which actually is preferable.  When I suggest that maybe my children should be looking after me in my old age they have developed a pretty impressive Gallic shrug and a smile that tells me...

In May I decided to sell the house.  Ok the garden is a jungle but the neighbours would like to buy it anyway, if buyers for the house don't want it.  Well who would?  Anyway the house was in pretty good condition.  Weeks went by and then the Estate Agent contacted to say that someone wants to view the house on Saturday (tomorrow now).  Between that call  and tomorrow what are the odds that I walk through the front door and the ceiling  falls on my head,  I mean what are the odds?  The house is 150 years old.  If it can wait that long why not just a few more weeks?  Anyway, apart from taking a direct hit on my head, I now have a gaping hole in the ceiling.  Has anyone tried to get a workman in France in August?  Well if you haven't, don't bother.  I told my sons but they seemed more concerned about the hole in the ceiling than about heavy lumps  of plaster falling on their mother's head.  I wonder if daught...

If Boris Johnson went on television and endorsed a crackpot doctor who believed that reptiles ran the government (ok I know some  of you do believe that) and pregnancy was caused by witches and aliens, he would be taken away in a long white coat but Trump goes on television and does just that and the Republicans stay silent.   Whats more Mike Pence invites crackpot doctor supporters (also doctors) to the White House to discuss their ideas.  Even more unbelievable is that all these doctors, including crackpot number one, are apparently genuine doctors, out there in the community practising their wild theories on their patients.  Why oh why doesn't  someone just lock him up and throw away the key? I noticed that one side of my mask has a tendency to fall off.  I studied the problem in the mirror and discovered much to my consternation that my left ear sticks out more than the right and therefore doesn't hold the elastic so easily.  I have had the...

I haven't played golf for about 7 years so it was with some trepidation and anticipation of humiliation that I set off from the first tee.  Amazingly, the ball didn't go in the rough, the trees, a bunker or out of bounds, it went straight down the fairway.  I did a few duff shots later but I didn't lose any balls, or go in any water and only one bunker so, having assumed I would be a disaster it didn't turn out too badly, which goes to show that all these people playing earnestly two or three times a week hoping to reduce their handicap, are wasting their time.  All you  have to do is play once every 7 years. The chimney sweep came this morning, not wearing a mask, which is the regulation for any worker entering a client's house.  However, bizarrely La Rochelle is making everyone wear a mask when they are outside.  Americans love conspiracy theories and these are some I have heard recently.  Wearing masks is a plot to convert us all to Islam....

Where have all the orators go?  Trump can't string a sentence together and then repeats himself just to reinforce the rubbish he has just spouted, Boris Johnson hesitates six times in every sentence and reminds me of Billy Bunter with a bad hair cut,  Macron at least looks at the camera but he has no oomph when he speaks, even though what he is saying makes more sense than Boris and Trump.  Where are the speakers that get  your attention, talk intelligently with an easy flow of words, grammatically correct and devoid of acronyms and gobbledegook? New people have moved in along the street and their son has one of those really noisy, annoying motor bikes.  He has been scooting up and down the street all week, revving up and increasing the noise volume.  On Saturday Marie Jo came back from her son's house where she does child care during the week.  The bike had done several passes when Marie Jo came  out of her house and stood squarely in the midd...

I watched the film 'Shirley Valentine' the other night.   I watched her and the others lugging heavy suitcases and I remembered doing the exact same thing, only there were more of them because I had children and I lived in other countries so travelled a great deal.  In 1969 Neil Armstrong landed on the moon.  In 1970 we moved  to New York with a five month old and a one year old and lots of luggage.  So why did we all wait decades before someone thought of putting wheels on the suitcases? I asked my 4 year old grandson if he had been eating his broccoli and he said what most children say,  'I don't like it'.  I said it was like the Dr Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham and that if he tried it he would probably like it.  Kids are smart these days, or wily, and he said that he would eat broccoli if I ate chocolate.  Now I hate chocolate and all things sweet, even the smell of chocolate puts me off, but I remember seeing in the supermarket L...

I have a large cafetiere, which I half fill when making coffee for one.  It is still quite a lot of liquid even half full, to which I can testify.   Having poured the boiling water into the cafetiere I carefully put the lid and plunger  on the top, which turns out was a waste of time.  I lifted the cafetiere up to carry it over to the table when the bottom fell out.  Why I do not know, it is made of glass.  There was coffee all over the floor mixed with broken glass, there was coffee on all the cupboard doors, the table, the cooker and my own clothes were drenched and brown.  Why didn't it break on the cupboard where less damage would have been done, or even better over the sink?  Why was I wearing white and why was I in bare feet? I went to Lidl's to do some shopping.  Everyone was wearing a mask except for one tall gentleman, who was soon encircled by outraged women demanding to know why he was not wearing one.  He looked nonpl...

The weeds in my garden are taller than I am, and I am 5ft 8in.  With no visiting sons and grandsons this year, who usually clear it, it has become a wilderness.  Rather  like Trump is ignoring the coronavirus or anything that is vaguely important for that matter, I happily ignore my garden.  The difference is that in the end I get a guilty conscience, something Trump will never have, which finally forces me to face reality.  Are my weeds invading the neighbours' land, are they choking the fruit trees and is it a blot on the landscape?  The answer to all those questions is a resounding 'yes' so I venture up and try to tackle it.  All I have is a pair of shears so I am on a loss leader from the start, but I am determined.  After 2 hours I am hot and sweaty, covered in sticky things which cling to my clothes and my arms are covered in a rash, even though I am wearing long sleeves.   The garden?  That looks much the same. I sent mess...

What is in the mind of someone who applies to go on a quiz programme?  Is it that they are confident that they know the answers?  Or if there is money to be won, maybe that is all they think about, but surely they also know that in order to win the money they actually do have to answer the questions correctly.  I watched half a quiz programme the other evening.  I had to turn it off half way through it was so pathetic. Examples from that programme: When asked what vegetable had the same name as something in the body, the young man didn't know the answer.  When told that it was marrow, he said he didn't know marrow was a vegetable. Which continent is Singapore in?  The middle aged lady replied 'Europe'. The South Downs runs through Sussex and which other county?  An older gentleman replied 'Manchester'. A young lady thought that the river Avon ran through Norfolk. It is scary what people don't know and they were all ages so you can't say th...

I was just going out on my bike to the village shop when the army started rolling by - tanks, jeeps, gun carriers and other assorted  vehicles.   I waited for them all to pass before venturing out into the road.  By  the time I got to the village, the vehicles had blocked all the streets.  Not surprising really as one tank fills both sides of a road.  Cars and trucks were beginning to fill the roads behind and I did wonder whether the truck or the tank would have to back up.  I also wondered what they were doing there but not enough to stop myself weaving through the assorted vehicles to get to the shop.  The village shop has a five person rule , which was clearly being totally ignored as it was packed with army personnel -  buying bread.  Well  Napoleon did say 'an army marches on its stomach.'

My father could play the piano.  Not an unusual skill but he was deaf.  He lost his  hearing fighting in the army in India in the 30s so he was an adult when he lost it and therefore remembered tunes, even though he couldn't hear him.  However he didn't have the skill to learn anything new so  either you liked the old music or you didn't.  He used to say that he played by ear and then would roar with laughter.  He would have struggled in many ways with modern living but most of all during the pandemic, he would have lost his ability to communicate as he always lip read.  There must be thousands of people like him today who still rely on reading lips to understand,  in fact all of us do it to some extent, so please be patient if someone is struggling to communicate while you are wearing a mask. I went to the supermarket today and at the check out, the cashier asked me to move the trolley into a particular position.  As I manoeuvred it ...

I am beginning to draw parallels between the behaviour of Trump and Boris Johnson.  Some  of you will say I am a bit slow in coming to this conclusion but politics doesn't move as fast in the UK as it does in the US.  The philosophy of the two leaders is to ignore everything, deny everything, flout the law and, especially in Trump's case, lie about everything.  Dominic Cummings clearly broke the rules of lockdown and Johnson did nothing thus proving to the British public that the laws don't apply to him and his cronies.  So how staggeringly stupid  is he to defend the Housing Minister who has quite rightly been accused of cronyism, and in my book, corruption.  I am not a supporter of any party but I do want to know that our country is being run by honest people. Having said all that, it doesn't matter what I think because as far as the voting system is concerned, I have been disenfranchised.  Under the fifteen year rule (you lose your vote once...

I bought the book, 1984, in the seventies, in New York, but didn't read it until 1984.  I remember it scared the hell out of me.  Now we seem to be living in the book, 1984.  I watched Trump yesterday tell his adoring, and deluded, fans that if you don't test for coronavirus, covid 19 will disappear.  They all cheered as they stood close together, without masks, spreading the disease like wildfires.  As the camera panned round the empty seats at his rally in Tulsa, Trump blamed the low turnout on the violent, bad people, protesting outside preventing his adoring fans from entering.  The camera switched outside where about 20 people were hanging around chatting. Yesterday I went to Saumur market, which was very busy.  There was no social distancing, hardly any masks and people were milling about, the cafes were crowded, and generally everything looked as normal.  Then it happened.  Two women stopped to chat and gave each other the usual kis...

This morning I opened the front door and about a hundred ants walked in, uninvited.  I know I have missed having visitors this year but I do like to choose who comes to stay, not have them just barge in like they own the place.  I'm afraid I didn't welcome them, just reached for the ant spray. On Saturday I finally got to sit in a cafe in Saumur with friends, different nationalities, and have a chat.  It was wet and windy but we didn't care; we were free at last and we sat outside, huddled up in coats in the middle of June,  not even having to pretend to be enjoying ourselves. The death rate from the virus in Europe is practically zero while in the UK it is still pretty high so why has the UK a 2 week quarantine rule for people arriving from Europe?  Shouldn't it be the other way around? Violent protests never solve anything, peaceful ones should but why does it take so long to change the world.  Rome wasn't built in a day, they say, but 400 years to...

Shall we  forget 2020 and pretend it never happened?  Deaths, pandemic,  protests and dictators have all taken control of our world.  And while it falls into chaos, mainly caused by chaotic leaders, Marie Jo, who lives across the road, gets up every morning, fills her bucket with water and washes her garage doors.  I don't have a garage but if I did I am not sure that washing the doors would be my first priority each day.  Is she an obsessive cleaner or is the lockdown causing her to suffer the ultimate boredom? I went to the supermarket today and I went last week.  The only green vegetables were artichokes.  Hundreds of them.  I just wanted broccoli or green beans, even cabbage.  I cannot imagine surviving on artichokes, in fact I have often wondered why anyone would bother even trying, but customers were snapping them up so I must be missing something wondrous. I finally found a mask.  There is a Turkish lady who makes them f...

The other day I received a letter in the mail that wasn't a  bill.  In fact it was handwritten.  I can't remember the last time I received a handwritten letter apart from notes in a Christmas card.  Was someone  feeling sorry for me being in lockdown but everyone is in the same boat so unlikely.  I opened it, intrigued.  It was written in perfect English and it became clear after the first sentence that it was from the Jehovah's Witness who had telephoned a couple of weeks ago to ask if I was depressed because of the lockdown.  She had spoken in French and had said that she didn't speak English.  Interesting.   I had assured her that I was not depressed.   The letter suggested that she come to my house and discuss the bible over a cup of tea! I can't think of anything worse.  I tore the stamp off the envelope for my granddaughter and dropped the letter in the recycling bin.  From now  on I will assume that ...

This weekend has brought out the worst in people.  Large groups gathering together with no attempt at following the rules or guidelines.  They are selfish and ignorant.  Even my sister, although being ultra careful herself, thinks that in a few weeks the virus will just disappear.  Young people believe they are invincible, that's nothing new, but now their ignorance is endangering the lives of others.  They probably think it doesn't matter because it is only old people who will die but the young die too and the virus can leave lasting damage to the body. Considering I live in a hamlet with only 5 houses, it is full of drama at times.  A lady came to my door this afternoon saying she was the mother of my neighbour.  Had I seen her and did I have her telephone number?  I thought that was a bit odd and wondered if I had misunderstood.  I said I hadn't seen her but the shutters go up and down so I assume she is alright.  Marie Jo, from th...

A politician in the States said that old people have a duty to die to save the economy.  Really?  With millions unemployed and businesses going to the wall how exactly do we help by dying?  Ok maybe it would relieve the health services a bit but that is not what is causing the crash of the stock market or the unemployment issue.  There is only one response to a comment like that - live for as long possible just to annoy him. I have two friends in the hospital at the moment, neither with the virus.  I asked them both whether they had reading material.  One said he had a trilogy, written by a Swede, each book having 600 pages.  That will take a while to get through, assuming it is in English.  If it is in Swedish it could take a lifetime.  The other friend said he had a brochure, written in English, on how to complete your French tax return.  Do you suppose there is something missing in his life?  Not that I can talk.  The hig...

My son says that lockdown is causing a problem of regression among children.  Maybe adults too.  Rummaging in my freezer I came across a packet of English back bacon and a sliced wholemeal loaf from the UK.  You cannot imagine my excitement and the sheer childlike pleasure I gained by smelling and then eating a bacon sandwich.  Yes I regressed. Trump lives in a permanent state of regression.  I am reading a book written by two journalists from the Washington Post called 'A very stable genius', his description of himself.  They explain that he has an attention span of a two year old, he is incapable of understanding or absorbing any facts and that all explanations have to be given to him in picture form because he doesn't read or even comprehend the written word.  The mind boggles as to what the post it note says next to the nuclear button. Pompeo is under investigation for using a member of staff to walk his dog, taker his dirty laundry to the cle...

According to the British press there is a 100% anti-body test available now.  The plan, apparently, is to let all  those people with anti-bodies back into work and society.  Now the way I see it is all the old people, who let's face it are far more obedient than young people (most of them anyway), stayed at home and therefore had zero chance of catching the virus.  Ergo none of us have anti-bodies and therefore we are doomed to stay indoors for ever.  Fat chance., Yesterday I had a call from someone asking me in French whether I was depressed because of the coronavirus.  At first I thought it was the Mairie finally getting round to ask if the residents are ok but no that would be too much to ask.  After a while I twigged that it was the Jehovah's Witnesses, especially when she asked if I was getting comfort from the bible.   I assured her that I had never been so happy, that life was great and I was busy, busy, busy.  Today, after I...

Today marks the day when I can walk further than a kilometre from the house and I don't have to carry a signed form either.  Yesterday I eagerly  told my sons on Skype that I would be driving to Thouars, walking through the old town and down to the river.  I leapt out of bed this morning ready to embrace my new found freedom and looked out of the window.   Typical.   It was, and still is,  pouring, not just raining, pouring, as in cats and dogs pouring.  I think though, just to show I can, I will put on my coat and boots and go anyway. Today also means that primary schools go back.  The television showed lines being drawn on the floors to keep children apart from one another and tables and chairs placed further apart to avoid contact between them.   In France children go to school at 3 years so good luck with that. I received an email from the tennis club who are making preparations for re-opening, although they don't know...

I was woken this morning at 5.30am by a loud knocking on the front door followed by the door bell.  I knew who it was because I recognised the shrill voice talking to herself.  I went downstairs and opened the door to my neighbour, Marie Jo.  She was irate; she frequently is but usually with Jean Pierre across the street, not with me.  'Have you taken the wrong bin?' she demanded, in French of course.  Standing there in my dressing gown I pleaded innocent.  'I heard them empty them about half an hour ago,' I said trying to  be helpful.   'Come with me,' she ordered.  If she had been dressed in a police uniform I would have followed but I draw the line at going out in the street in my dressing gown to look at bins, although many French people do, even to the shop.  I ran upstairs and pulled on jeans and t shirt and followed Marie Jo to  the corner of the street.   I stood staring at the three bins and I couldn't deny ...

Don't be too excited at the prospect of freedom.  I suspect that it will be limited.  I am just looking forward to being able to walk outside the 1 km limit and to go somewhere without having to justify why I am in my car, or anywhere else for that matter.  Some of my neighbours haven't been adhering to any of the restrictions, while others have been dutifully obeying the law.  Perhaps the latter have British blood in them.  I am so glad I am in France and not in crazy Trump world where a lot of people actually believe his parallel universe.  Some Americans chose to stay in Lebanon rather than return to the USA, where they felt it was more dangerous but now Lebanon has erupted into violence.  They probably wish they had gone to Sweden. I went to look at my garden.  It looks like a prairie with the long grass swaying in the wind.  I couldn't see the lavender, which has been completely buried by grass.  'What do I do with it now?' I ask...

I just had to power wash the courtyard.  At the end of winter it is green and black and only power washing will get rid of it but I get in such a mess.  Even though I wear wellies, lightweight walking trousers and my son's waterproof Special Olympics coat, the water and muck gets in my hair, on my face and inside the wellies.  It is also backbreaking because the spray gun is too short to do the job without bending over.  I hate this job, put it off as long as possible and then spend hours getting it done.  It does look good when I have finished though. We can ignore all the health experts and follow the great Trump's advice instead because he says he has the best brain in the history of the world.  Really?  Ok so we should all inject disinfectant into our lungs?  Did he really say that?  Yes he did.  Einstein must be turning in his grave. 

So the overwhelming protest from the oldies in France about being kept in their houses indefinitely paid off as it was announced last night that it would be discrimination so when new rules come in after 11 May everyone will be treated equally. Yesterday I had to go to the doctor to get a prescription.  I thought he would just leave it for me to pick up but no he had to take my blood pressure etc.  My GP is a one man band, he answers the phone, does all the paperwork and so on.  Normally when a patient leaves he shakes his or her hand then immediately shakes the hand of the next patient.  On top of that bad hygiene there is no sink in his office so all the germs just keep going from one patient to another, via the doctor.   Yesterday he was under strict instructions.  Only one patient at a time so I had to wait in the car park until the previous patient left and the doctor waved at me from the door to go in.  He didn't shake hands, he used sani...

So here I am in week 7 and I decided to challenge my children and grandchildren to doing 100 rapid skips a day, as I have been doing.  Their excuses?  We don't have a skipping rope, we have a rope but it is too short,  I haven't skipped since I was at school, can I do 5 a day instead, I am  too tall.  Well really. On Saturday my neighbour was washing her car (I haven't cleaned mine in about 3 years).  I shouted from the window that when someone washes their car it will rain the next day.  Sunday it didn't stop tipping it down all day.   Sunday is also Skype day with my children.  There were clear blue skies in London, beach weather in Bognor and in Sofia my son was sitting on his balcony bathed in sunshine.  I was dressed in wellies and raincoat putting the garbage out. The department has reiterated that one can only spend an hour a day in the garden.  The logic of this order escapes me but I am nevertheless grateful....

Is it time for us oldies to fight back?  A Senator in the USA has said we should let the old people die for the sake of the economy,  the Sun newspaper in the UK said that the government should stop the triple lock because all pensioners are millionaires and the money would be better used for the NHS.  In France Macron is suggesting that when the country starts getting back to some sort of life people over 70 should be locked up indefinitely.  As the virus has ravaged old people's  homes and the figures were not being included in the death rate, I am a little cynical about this being for our own good.  I anticipated us being the last group to be let out.  So when the tennis club is finally opened I shall be the only player who will be excluded from playing. I went shopping yesterday, intending to go to Lidl, but when I arrived the car park was packed and glancing ;through the window I could see there was no social distancing whatsoever so I went to ...

Spring has sprung and the cuckoos are competing with each other.  I have counted three so far.  Butterflies are everywhere and the birds' chorus is wonderful.  With all this nature around me I turned my attention to the wilderness, otherwise known as my garden.  The cherry tree is in full bloom but is being choked with brambles and ivy.  I hate gardening but needs must and all that.  The trouble is I had to squat under the cherry tree to try and cut the brambles with shears.  This is excruciating on the back, let alone the legs.  It did cross my mind that if we are locked down for many more months I might need blackberries but I knew that I was just looking for excuses not to keep going. It was hot so after an hour I had had enough.  I stepped back to admire my work.  Like my ironing it didn't look any different.  The ivy was still growing up the trunk, the brambles continued to cover the ground and what idiot wears a cashmere ca...

I live in the country and in the 10 years that I have lived in this house I have never seen a police car.  I know that all around me people are not adhering to the isolation rules, especially my neighbours, so who got stopped by gendarmes in their car this morning?  Me.  They asked where I was going, they asked to see my form.  They didn't like the fact that I had tippexed out the previous date and time and they also asked why I had not downloaded the new form on to my phone.  I took my son's advice to just say I am old and explained that technology is beyond me and anyway mobile phones don't work around here.  They asked why I wasn't using a new form each day and I said that I had only one form so had to re-use it. Now for years I have been writing to the Marie complaining about the speed  of the traffic to no avail.  The gendarme, whose car was pulled into the lane, was just asking me where I lived when a car drove through the village at high...

The States have plumbed the depths of immorality, led by the most immoral man in its history.  His 'America First' policy has meant that his government has hijacked vital medical supplies ordered by and destined for Germany and France, and had them sent to the USA.  Never mind that more Europeans will die as a result as long as the States is ok. The mind boggles that, also in the States, essential services, which include food shops and pharmacies has now included gun shops.  They have been deemed to be critical to the well being of American citizens.  I am sure the person who receives the next bullet does not feel that his or her well being is a priority.   Meanwhile Dr Fauci, the only sane voice at the White House, has had to have his protection increased because of the number of threats against him.   This is just three examples of the slippery slope that America is on.  I rest my case.  Don't worry though.  Trump has put Jared...

After 4 weeks of isolation and getting by with what the village shop provides, I had to go to the supermarket in Thouars.  I actually felt a feeling of freedom as I drove away, if only for a 15 minute journey.  I had escaped for an hour.  The supermarket was busy but not crowded.  My son, who works in a supermarket in the UK said that every trolley used is wiped down with disinfectant.  Here there was no such precaution and inside there didn't seem to be much social distancing either, with customers chatting in groups.  But it was quiet for all that.  The world has taken on an eerie silence.  Great in some ways but disturbing in others.  As I was returning from my walk this morning a car came down the lane, unusual at the best of times, but this driver was so surprised to see someone that his whole face changed and he nearly went into the ditch. There is a worldwide shortage of masks but more and more countries are insisting that everyone ...

Was Film 4 having a laugh yesterday when they decided to show the film that we are living in real time?  Groundhog Day.  I am in week 4 and apart from the weather changing, every day is more or less the same.   The scary thing is that  it is beginning  to feel normal, and probably will be for at least another 3 months. Like everyone else I have to resort to do it yourself hair cutting.  I have horrible hair, thin, fine, brown streaked with grey and it is getting long so I will have to get the scissors out and have a go.  This enforced isolation should deal with any vanity people have as in a few months we will all emerge with spiky hair.  I have never coloured my hair but I know that many people, young and old, pay an extortionate amount of money to either cover up the grey or simply to go blond, green or whatever.  Will they let the colour grow out and just go back to being naturally grey or will they rush off to the supermarket and ...

The clocks go forward tomorrow and the cuckoo has arrived.  What a welcome sound and I promise I won't complain this year when it is still making that monotonous cuckoo, cuckoo in June.  Will we be out of our incarceration by then? People everywhere are trying to keep fit while being deprived of normal life.  Saturday and Sunday is definitely the time to dance around the house to  Gold's all time greatest hits.  Then there is skipping in the courtyard and walking.  To make my 1 km walk (all we are allowed) more energetic, I have taken to sprinting for about 50 paces, then walking and sprinting again.  I am not sure this is helping my ribs recover but I read somewhere that our hearts need to be exercised because they are muscle.  Suddenly there are fitness videos appearing everywhere, puzzle books, jigsaw puzzles and so on.  Well I have a maths puzzle book, which is so difficult in places that I feel like throwing it  at the wall....

I completed my new form issued by the government and went off to the village shop this morning.  There were three customers, all keeping their 2 metre distance, or nearly, it is a small shop, then in came a man with a shopping trolley.  I stepped away, he came closer.  I went to the apples, mostly bad, he followed me.  I went to the other end of the shop but there he was.  Eventually with my vegetables and fruit in my bag I went to the check out.  A man joined the short queue keeping his distance but the man with trolley joined in pushing himself between me and the other customer, who took two large steps backwards, while I took two steps forwards.  Unfortunately that meant I was too far away from the counter to pack my shopping and pay.  I did contemplate asking the server to toss me my goods and I could try to catch them in my bag,  but I reluctantly moved back one step.  No-one had spoken, not one word, not even a 'bonjour'.  Pe...

Well probably not but I am sure we are doing our best under the circumstances.  Yesterday was Mother's Day in the UK so all my sons contacted me by Skype.  One sent flowers, which I didn't get, presumably because all the shops are closed in France, but the thought was there.  I was clearing out a cupboard (yes desperate times need desperate actions) and I found my skipping  rope.  Not great for the ribs but I don't care, it is a good exercise and I would encourage you all to try it.  Alternatively keep dancing with the doorknob.  If you are as old as me you will know what I mean. My American friends, who winter in Florida, sent me an email to say they are enjoying their self-isolation as they can barbecue and swim in their pool everyday.  I don't know why some people have to suffer so much.

I woke up yesterday trying to figure out what day it was.  The monotony of this life is blurring one day into another.    In the end I gave up, it doesn't make any difference.  I spent three years living in the desert with no radio, papers, television, post or telephone but I had the children and I went to work every day.  New restrictions mean I can no longer ride my bike,  they are worried that people will fall off and block hospital beds.  We are only allowed  to walk 1.5km from our homes.  I  have got around that one because the shop is 2.5 km away, 5km round trip.  Anyway I live in the country.  Who is going to  notice?  My son said that if I am stopped by the police I should just say that I am old and can't remember where I live.   Then  the men in white coats would come and carry me off. One of my greatest pleasures has always been following world news, especially politics but there is no news...

So it is now 11 days in isolation  and there are compensations.  Nature is continuing to thrive.  Birds are nesting, woodpeckers are pecking, bees are buzzing and even butterflies are out and about.  No sign of the cuckoo though.  Another bonus is that the traffic has virtually stopped. Here in France we now have to carry a signed form declaring that one is going to work, a food shop, pharmacy or solo exercise (walking that is).  Failure to declare or go anywhere else is punishable by a fine.  Brings back memories of living in eastern Europe all those years ago.  Roadblocks have been set up and police have been mobilised.  Of course I haven't seen any officer of the law in these parts since I moved here but I shall sign my form and carry it with me when I go for my daily walk. Unlike many villages in France, our village has a shop, which is a life line.  No-one is panic buying,  you wouldn't dare, and I can buy fresh vegetables...

I woke this morning to the two lots of neighbours, who live opposite me, yelling at each other.  Now Marie-Jo does tend to talk in a very animated fashion and Jean-Pierre does try to ignore her but this was different.  Marie-Jo was clearly angry, pointing up at the roof and gesticulating wildly.  I have no idea what she was saying because the windows were closed but fury has no etc.   Jean Pierre, faced with this furious neighbour was still trying to ignore her, or maybe just trying to  keep the mandatory virus distance of 2 metres but that was never going to work.  She followed him to his car but not before she picked up her broom and threatened him with it.  The French can be very excitable and at least it was only a broom.  The last time I witnessed a neighbourly fallout was when Monsieur Toutee threatened Jean-Pierre with his gun.  Jean-Pierre can be annoying, like when he left my fridge and freezers unplugged while I was in  S...