Mad Darby Diaries

I was persuaded to play in the tournament this week before realising that it was going to be played on clay, my least favourite surface, and the temperatures are in the mid to high thirties.   I received the days and times on my phone.  My first match was today at 12 noon!  What idiot plays tennis at 12 noon?  Well I do apparently.  I began well, winning the first 3 games against a much better and younger player than me, but then the sun beating down got to me.  The heat I can deal with but the sun is unbearable, even wearing a hat. I ended up losing the first set, when we actually sat down for a few minutes.   When I stood up I could feel my shorts were soaking wet, cold wet, not sweat wet, although they were that too.  I  had sat on my towel, which the water bottle  had leaked all over, and I hadn't even noticed.  This was not just damp shorts.  I resumed play with water running down my legs.  It could have ...

I had a visit from a lady from the garbage department yesterday.  Apparently they are visiting all properties in the commune to explain the new system.  She brought with her 2 bins, one black and one yellow and she stuck a code on the black one.  The yellow one is for plastic only, she explained.  Paper and bottles will be put in the recycling bins at the edge of the village and the black one is for ordinary household waste. The collection will be once a fortnight and I can't leave the black bin out unless it is full.  When I am here on my own that could take a long time.  'In summer that could be a problem,'  I ventured to say, but she said 'here is your ID card.  If the garbage starts to smell take it to the garbage centre and show your ID.'  Then without even blinking or pausing for breath she added, ' You will receive the bill for the garbage collection twice a year.'  What?  'You mean I have to pay for this new system?' I as...

I have been walking with a local group for three weeks and each time the walk has been followed by a celebration of someone's birthday.  I ducked out of the first two but it would have been churlish not to have stayed today as the birthday girl had made cheesy things especially for me.  They are a jolly bunch of walkers and cyclists and on the wall of the community centre where we meet up there is a list of everyone's birthday.  They have established that I am older than most of them but no-one has actually asked for the date of my birthday yet.  How long can I avoid this do you think?  It is most likely that even if they register it there is a good chance of it being forgotten with the New Year celebrations.  Am I being optimistic?  I hope not. The battery of my mobile phone runs out in 3 minutes so I have concluded that it must be kaput.  I went to buy another one.  The cost was so high that a new phone would have cost less. The doctor...

I am one of those people who arrives early or on time.  I plan my journeys to allow for unexpected things happening.  Last Sunday I drove to Charles de Gaulle airport and stayed in the Ibis in Terminal 3 because my flight was the next morning.  There is a shuttle running between the terminals and it takes 5 minutes to get to Terminal 2 from Terminal 3.  What could go wrong?  Well everything as it turns out. The platform for the shuttle was more crowded than usual because apparently there was a 'minor'  technical problem.  I couldn't get on the first train as I was pushed aside by bigger people with even bigger suitcases.  I nearly got on the second train but as my foot stepped on a man trod on it and took my place.  There were no airport employees to control the crowd so like Lord of the Flies, the smaller  and weaker people were overcome by stronger and younger ones.  I wasn't worried about the time, I had plenty of it.  Wh...

With all the turmoil of Brexit and more mass killings in the US, let alone North Korea missiles, trade wars and typhoons, it is nice sometimes to just meet up with friends and have a cup of coffee, a chat and watch the world go by.  This morning a group of us were sitting in the square in the heart of the bustling market doing just that when suddenly one of our group, who is in his late eighties started to shout very loudly in English at a German (although there is a certain mystery surrounding his nationality.)  The man was going red in the face, while the German kept repeating 'you are wrong, I will prove it to you.'  The French lady sitting next to me leaned back in her chair, aghast as the rest of us fell silent.  On any other day our group  would have attracted attention but the square was noisy and full of people.  The old man picked up his stick as though to strike the German,  thankfully just waving it round as an aid to making his point....

I sat in a cafe in Saumur this morning with a group of French and English friends and there was a discussion about the word ancien, which in French can mean old or former, depending on whether it comes before or after the noun.  In English 'ancient' just means old, said one English person.  'Like us you mean,' I said. One suggested that we weren't old but the new middle age but as I pointed out I now have a son who is 50 and he is supposed to be the new middle age and we can't both be middle aged.  The conversation went back and forth until one confused French man said I thought ancient in English meant medieval or older.  Yes, well, I suddenly felt I fitted the bill. I cycled to the shop in the village and asked them if they had any green bananas.  She said, 'no, we aren't getting any until you have eaten all the ripe ones.'  I bought apples.