Mad Darby Diaries

I kept driving until I reached the Costa del Sol in Spain.  As I was driving through Malaga I noticed a machine on the sidewalk.  Above the machine there was a large notice. 24 hour coffee                  tea          erotic sex

So escaping winter I decided to drive south and to keep driving until I reached warm sun. When I stop in hotels in France I do not get excited about the breakfast.  Continental breakfast means hard bread, cheese, ham or fruit if you are lucky and all charged at an extortionate  price.  Customer service generally is sadly lacking too with a seemingly inability to link customer service with profits. On my feedback form I rated services low.  The wifi didn't work, the toilet didn't flush, the printer in reception didn't work so no receipt etc. I received an e mail from the manager. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your stay in our hotel. 'It is true that several aspects of the hotel were not functioning during your visit.  Did you enjoy your breakfast?'

After a week without heating and the temperature outside and inside below zero, I decamped to a friend's house for 3 days. Day 1.  I was up early so made myself a cup of tea.  There was a little dish to put used tea bags so I took a teaspoon out of the drawer and put the teabag in the dish with the spoon.  Friend enters kitchen.  Conversation as follows. Friend: 'You have used the coffee spoon.' Me: 'I took it out of the drawer.' Friend: 'But it's  coffee spoon.' Me: 'It's a teaspoon' Confused, I changed the subject. Day 2.  There was already a spoon in the dish.  Aha that must be the coffee spoon, so I took a clean one from the drawer. Friend: 'You've used 2 spoons'. Me: 'No, I took one from the drawer.' Friend:  'How do I know which is today's spoon and which is yesterday's spoon?  And where is the coffee spoon.' Nonplussed I stayed silent while he chuntered on for 5 minutes about spoons. Day...

I volunteered in a French school yesterday.  The aim of the day was to engage French children in English conversation.  The children had questions written down which they had to ask in English.  They were aged between 12 and 16.  Faced with 2 pupils aged 15 I answered the first question clearly and simply but they didn't understand the answer.  A rapid conversation in French passed between them and they then asked me in French if I would write down the answer. 'If I write down the answer you won't learn anything,' I said in French.  They asked the teacher what to do. 'Of course you can write down the answers for them and they can study them  later'! Listening skills?  Speaking skills?  I give up

My family organised a surprise day out on my birthday.  They took me to a nice restaurant overlooking the Thames and then on to the Shard where the view was spectacular. I wasn't allowed to contribute financially to the day but I thought that one member of the family could be struggling to pay his way.  What 25 year old isn't?  So I slipped a £20 note into Joe's pocket and told him to pay for his lunch with it. Joe gave the £20 to Mark.  Mark gave it back to Joe saying it was ok if he didn't pay.  Joe gave it back to me saying Mark didn't want it.  I gave it to Mark saying Joe wanted to pay.  He took it.  5 minutes later I saw him slip the £20 note into Joe's pocket.  No wonder Joe was smiling as he left to catch his train.