Mad Darby Diaries

I was living in New York when President had impeachment proceedings begun against him.  I remember clearly the Republicans using the same language as they are today, lame excuses and downright untruths to try to paint him as whiter than white.  Nixon came on the television and looking straight at the camera said he was not lying to the American people.  My Republican friends believed him but I said it was obvious he was not telling the truth, it showed in his face apart from the evidence, but they wouldn't have it.  He was the President and wouldn't dare lie to the people.  How wrong they were.  The situation is similar today in that the Republicans are up to the same antics, distraction, aggression and wearing blinkers to the real issue and the facts.  The difference so far is that we know Trump is lying because he lies all the time and this has been proved over and over again.  In the seventies the Senators gradually came to grips with dealing ...

I had an appointment at the dentist at 9.30am.  I was there at 9.25am.  The 9.45am appointment arrived at 9.40am.  The 10.00am appointment arrived and at 10.05am the 10.15am appointment arrived.  At 10.15 the dentist called me in.  When I made the appointment for my next visit I asked if I could have the first appointment of the day.  '9.30am,' the receptionist said.   'My appointment today was 9.30am but I wasn't seen until 10.15am when 4 other people had arrived,' I ventured to say.  'And your point is Madam?' she asked.  Nonplussed I said, 'Why?'  She sighed and explained as though I was 5 years old.  'He never sees anyone before 10.15.' 'So can I turn up at 10.15 for my 9.30am appointment?'  I asked.  'No, because if you do you will be charged as a no-show.' I am hopeless with names.  Even though I repeat them as I am being told, they disappear immediately into the atmosphere.  On Sunday I turned up a...

I live in a hamlet.  Nothing happens here apart from the occasional chicken escaping so it was somewhat bewildering when I suddenly heard a very large bang, which shook the house so much I thought something must have driven into it.  As I opened the front door a military jet flew over so I decided it must have gone through the sound barrier, a familiar noise in my childhood when testing of breaking the sound barrier was a frequent occurrence along the south coast of England.  I glanced into the road and saw my neighbours' large,  white, furry dog standing in  the middle of the street.  'Not again,'  I muttered to myself as I went out to try and persuade it to move.  With no collar it is difficult to push an extremely heavy dog where he doesn't want to go but I tried.   It was then that we were covered, and hidden, by a huge black cloud of smoke, which seemed to silently creep over and between the houses and continued along the street....

I would like a euro for the number of times I heard my mother say 'My head will never save my legs.'  Now as I get to the top of the stairs and can't remember what I came up for I find myself muttering the same phrase.  Yesterday I was coming down the stairs carrying a pair of trousers, a cup and a needle and cotton reel.  Halfway down I realised I had forgotten the button which needed sewing on the trousers.  As I turned around to retrace my steps everything went flying, including me.  I picked myself up, checked that arms and legs were in good shape and recovered the trousers from the floor.  The cotton reel had bounced down the stairs and rolled across the floor (more elegantly than I had done) but the needle, which had been with it had disappeared.  I searched everywhere but a needle on white tiles is not easy to find.  I got down on my hands and knees, searching and feeling but I couldn't find it.  I shone the flashlight to no avail....

On principle I do not look back but this morning the woman with whom I was playing tennis made me do just that.  She asked if I could get her some 'orlik'.  It took some time for me to figure out that she was asking for 'Horlicks'.   I barely remember its existence so how come a French person is familiar with this strange item?  I have never had Horlicks but I believe it is some sort of drink.  Apparently Fabienne was given it when she did a school exchange many years ago.  I asked someone in the UK if it still exists and the reply was, 'didn't they give it to wounded soldiers in the first world war?'  Monsieur Toutee's chickens got out again this morning so being a good neighbour I went out to help.  I scuttled after them ineffectively trying to capture one in my arms.  I was useless.  Whenever I got my arms round one it simply flapped its wings and flew out of them.  After several attempts I decided I was more use stopping...