Mad Darby Diaries

It was hot in  France, a canicule, in French and that means very high, sustained heat day and night.  My family have been here for 2 weeks so things have been a bit busy, and hot.  I don't mind heat.  I have lived in countries far, far hotter than 40 degrees and I know what to do when it is hot.  I quickly gave out my years of gathered experience to my family to ensure that their stay was a comfortable one.  So why would I choose on 2 occasions during the canicule to cook dishes that required putting on the oven?  Am I mad or what? Meanwhile my son, also clearly forgetting all the rules of what to do in the heat, suggested that maybe his choice of black shirt and jeans was not a good one when he travelled to work on the underground in a heatwave.  Mmm.  Well madness runs in the family. In the UK they were suffering from traffic chaos as usual whilst in France things were jogging along nicely.  If the temperature does not stay contai...

I saw a walking/cycling group advertised in the next village so I decided to go along.  It was a hot day but starting the walk at 8.30am I figured it wouldn't be too bad.  I introduced myself, dutifully kissed everyone, even though they were complete strangers (doesn't seem to matter in France) and asked how far they walked.  10 km was the answer.  As we were about to set off the cyclists turned up, males and females equal in number.  A further delay was made while we all kissed the cyclists.  I turned round at a tap on my arm to find an extremely tiny lady and of a very certain age, peering  up at me waiting to be kissed on both cheeks.  I bent double to reach her as the top of her head came to just above my waist.  She then put on a cyclist's helmet, climbed on what looked like an enormous bike but was actually of regular size and went off with the other riders.  'How does she ride that bike?'  I asked, 'she is  so small.'...

I have returned home after 5 weeks in the UK and my house has once more been invaded.  There were ants everywhere as I walked through the front door but this time they were in the kitchen as well so my first hour was taken up with eliminating them as best I could.  This morning I scrubbed and wiped all the surfaces with white vinegar and fingers crossed they have gone somewhere else.  In the dining room there were 2 very large, dead beetles and in the courtyard a dead baby bat and two dead baby birds, ejected from the nest up in the eaves.  Needless to say there is bird muck everywhere.  The hydrangea is virtually dead as the people who were supposed to water it and keep the garden under control clearly haven't been near the place.  I have demanded my key and money back.  Happy days. Meanwhile the UK Ambassador to the USA is being unfairly criticised for doing his job.  Jeremy Hunt quickly said that it was just the Ambassador's personal opinion...