Mad Darby Diaries

I decided that today I would powerwash the courtyard, not a pleasant job. I always get covered in mud and soaked so in preparation I donned waterproof trousers, wellington boots and an old t shirt.   I dragged the machine out, swept all the leaves and rubbish and connected the hose.  It wouldn't connect so I deduced that it was rusty and the connection needed replacing.  Ah, I thought, I have a spare in the kitchen drawer.  An hour later I was still trying to fit it.  No matter what I did I couldn't tighten it enough and so the water came out of the connection instead of running inside the hose.  What I needed was a man with big strong hands.  There is never one around when you need one.  I kept battling but to no avail.  My neighbour comes homes for lunch at 12, I will collar him.  He owes me big time after leaving my freezers unplugged.  12 came and went and there was no sign of him.  Typical.  This was proving wha...

Decades ago everyone was told not to use the term 'coloured people' because it was deemed to be offensive.  We all had to say 'black people'.  This lasted a few decades until people who were not black objected.  Now apparently it is right to say 'people of colour'.  So tell me, linguistically,  what is the difference? I am  back on form with the tennis.  I won yesterday and this morning.  Yippee. MPs are back in the Commons.  Have you noticed any difference? Last year when I did my tax return I was called into the tax office where the manager used her big red pen to indicate that I had put all the figures against the wrong codes.  My excuse was that I had been away in India and only had a day to complete the forms, so I didn't read the accompanying notes.  This year I went to the tax office to verify I hadn't made any errors and was told that it was correct but I should have done it on-line, paper ones are not acceptable....

A few days ago Trump said Mueller was an honourable man.  Yesterday he called the report crazy and called all the witnesses, who gave evidence under oath with the risk of going to jail, liars, traitors and much more.  Sarah Sanders, the Press Secretary, said her words about the FBI and Comey were a slip of the tongue.  The fact that it slipped multiple times over the course of several days seemed to escape her.  On the Today programme they interviewed Popodopolis who had been jailed for lying to Mueller.  When he was asked why he lied he said he hadn't,  he had simply misremembered something. Meanwhile amongst all that chaos, Trump telephoned the General who is trying to take over Libya from the UN backed government and promised his full support.  This was just after Putin had done the same thing.  This snippet of news, foreign policy (what policy?) gone mad, was buried underneath everything else that was going on this week.  Speak up Euro...

Yesterday I went out with the walking group.  The good things were beautiful weather, warm and sunny and the route, which took us through the woods with the birds singing merrily.  The bad thing was that we then went to a restaurant and ate an enormous lunch, undoing all our good intentions of getting exercise.  The good thing was that the company was interesting and friendly. When I got home I turned on CNN  because the Mueller report was out.  The bad thing was that there was nothing definitive that would immediately oust the worst President in US history.  The good thing was that he wasn't let off the hook and he did not come out smelling of roses.  Not that that will make any difference to his followers, nor it seems to the Republican party who know they have the most stupid, dangerous leader ever but are so keen to cling to their jobs they follow  him blindly. An immediate poll had the majority of voters wanting to move on rather than pu...

How sad it was to see yet another ancient building go up in flames.  I don't know what the cause of the Notre Dame devastation was but it is interesting that when these old buildings are being renovated they catch fire - Glasgow, Windsor Castle.  Of course Trump had to weigh in with his advice.  Is there anything on which he is not an expert?  We can survive Notre Dame and see it renovated but can the world survive even another year of Trump let alone 4 years? Yesterday I did my duty at the tennis club, cooking and serving lunches to 10 to 12 year old players and their parents and coaches.  It was non-stop for nearly 4 hours and the washing up left my hands looking even more ancient than they normally do.  The professional at the club was helping with the cooking and a young man was helping to serve.  We made a good team but I am glad I don't have to do it the rest of the week. I heard on British radio that the cuckoo is disappearing.  Well n...

I went to a quiz last night.  I didn't know anyone but they were all British.  I was slotted in with a team so we numbered six.  The woman sitting opposite me had her dog with her.  'Do you have dogs?' she asked.  'No I don't' I replied.  'So you are a cat person.'  she said accusingly.  'I don't have any animals', I said trying not to sound defensive.  I might just as well as said I was a serial killer such was the look she gave me.  From that moment on I suffered.  If I offered an answer she said, 'Are you 100%  sure because if you aren't don't speak.'  The other people on the team tried to include me and be friendly but it was a losing battle so I gave up and contributed nothing.  I did know the word for the metal bits on the end of shoe laces but was told I was stupid and had a certain amount of satisfaction when I was proved right. I wondered up to the bar to buy a drink.  The woman in front of me bought ...

The bruises have not quite faded but I decided to get on my bike this morning and test the body out, and everything seems to be working fine - except my brain.  I decided to take a short cut to the little supermarket by following a path that goes along the river.  Coming to an unfamiliar crossroads I decided to cross straight over.  An hour later I was well and truly lost.  French country roads don't have signs so the sun has to be a guide and any familiar distant landmarks.  All I could see was fields and trees, no church spires or familiar farms and clouds covered any sign of the sun.  I spotted a farmer on his tractor (what would we do without them?) and asked where I was.  Ok wrong question so I asked where my village was.  He pointed down a track and said keep going, keep going and you will find it.  How far do you think it is?  Wrong question again.  Oh well I set off wondering if I would be home before sunset.  After ab...

I went to the doctor this morning to check whether my injuries were doing ok. 'Why didn't you come when you first did it?' he asked and sent me off to organise an x ray.  He also said he was looking forward to the UK leaving with no deal because we can go to war again and this time France would win because the UK government would be too chaotic to defeat anyone.  That would seem to be the case judging by the amount of losses in Parliament.  He put my health card into the machine and it didn't work.  'There you are, you have already been struck off,' he said cheerfully. I heard the cuckoo at the weekend as I walked in the warm sunshine.  The spring flowers are out, blossom is on the trees and all is good with the world.  Except the weather forecast this week is for a drastic drop in temperatures and snow. I went to the Mairie yesterday and asked if the garbage men were still on strike.  'I don't know', was the reply, 'put the garbage out and ...