Mad Darby Diaries

My visitors have departed and I am once again packing my bags and heading off.  But wait a minute, my son would like me to bring a bookcase with me, solid wood and heavy.  Will it even go in the car and if I do manage to carry it out to the car and lift it single handedly into the car will there be room for my suitcase?  It is a work in progress.  I managed to get it to the car, a neighbour waved bonjour,  and drove off in his car.  Did he not notice me struggling with a bookcase 4ft by 3ft?  I always meant to be one of those helpless women whom everyone rushes to help but somehow I never quite made it and frankly it is usually easier to just 'do it yourself'. A wild boar strolled past the house this morning, perhaps he could give me a hand.

Finally the sun is shining and normal weather has resumed service.  I hadn't realised how much water had flooded into the car and after 2 weeks I am still trying to dry out the floor and the storage spaces.  My adult grandchildren and their girlfriends are here this week and although the bank is truly broken they too brought the sunshine with their good company, good humour and enthusiasm. On Thursday we took advantage of a non strike day to go to Paris.  As we were walking down the Champs d'Elysee we spotted a duck and three ducklings heading for the pedestrian crossing.  We were impressed.  The mother duck had a confident look in her eye. She knew that she wanted to get to the river and the crossing was the safest means of doing so.  All was going well until some  silly woman decided to shoo the duck family off the crossing and back to the pavement.  The duck, clearly more intelligent than the woman, kept trying to get round her and as a cons...

It is the tennis tournament this week.  There are more men who play singles tennis so they get split into groups of under 35, over 35, over 45 and even an over  55.  The ladies are thinner on the ground and so we have to take our chances.  I am the oldest lady so I know my opponent is going to be younger than I am, it is what degree of youth is going to face me across that net. My first match took place on a sunny Sunday afternoon when I played a Vet in her late thirties.  No problem there.  Clearly she was worn out from dealing with all those animals and I beat her easily.  The next match was Monday evening and this is where I now suspect that I am in fact fairly old.  I cannot play tennis in the evening.  I was due to play at 6.30pm, which I thought I could probably just about handle but of course I didn't take into account that irritating French habit of always being late.  She eventually turned up at 7.30pm, a springy 29 year old,...

What woke me up this morning was the fact that a truck was passing the house very slowly.  When I drove back from tennis last night I noticed the river had burst its bank but it is a long way from here so was not that worried.  However as a precaution I left the car on higher ground.  I am so glad I did because the road is flooded.  At five this morning I was talking to my neighbours from our upstairs windows, watching the water rise.  Monsieur Toutee, a neighbour, appeared in the middle of the road in high boots, which were rapidly filling with water.  The other neighbours ducked inside their houses while I waved to him and said bonjour.  He raised his arms like King Canute and shook his fists then went to move his tractor.  The other neighbours opened their windows again. I am moving stuff upstairs just in case.  Their are 3 steps up to the front door and the water has covered one of them.  I am lucky.  My neighbours opposite a...

The tax office sent me an email saying they had queries about my tax return.  In France everyone has to file a tax return every year even employees, although they are making moves to change that.  Anyway I went to the tax office wondering what I could have done wrong, especially as my income is very straightforward.  I showed the email to the receptionist, who instead of giving me a number to join the queue, sent me upstairs where I joined one other person.  Eventually it was my turn to enter the inner sanctum of the tax office but when I explained that I had been called in to answer queries, the woman stood up and said I have to see the manager, and she left the room.  I waited 10 minutes before the manager walked in and I explained who I was.  She went to find my tax return and came back holding a red pen.  She then proceeded to cross out all my entries, telling me off as she went.  This is on the wrong line, this has an incorrect code. ...

I don't close the shutters at night so I wake up in natural daylight.  Yesterday I woke up and glanced at the clock.  Ten to ten!  I leapt out of bed and ran downstairs.  In a couple of hours guests were coming for lunch and the meat would take that long to cook.  I ran into the kitchen but noticed all the shutters were open downstairs.  Those I close every night.  'The house guests must be up already',  I thought and went to the cooker.  Then I noticed a very bright moon in the sky.  My mind could not compute the circumstances.  I glanced up at the clock.  Ten o'clock.  The young may not be able to read regular clocks  but that is all I have.  And as I stood there in my befuddled state I realised that it was 10 o'clock  at night, not  morning. I staggered back to bed promising to invest in a 24hr clock.  Now I know why the young need them when they stagger out of nightclubs.  You will...

This morning my brother in law was desperately trying to get the top off the milk carton.  After a while he handed it to me, defeated.   I opened it.  We looked out of the window and saw my neighbour, who drinks like a fish and smokes,  lift a washing machine out of his car and carry it into his house.

The south of France has seen some furious storms this year from torrential rain to huge hailstones which have decimated the Bordeaux vineyards. As a consequence my visitors who set off to enjoy the balmy weather near Carcassonne got bogged down in mud, froze in the house they were staying in and escaped back here to my light,  sunny home.    More visitors will arrive in a couple of weeks and in the meantime I have a tennis tournament to play.